sad

I dont know if it always had been this way.I dont recall the
exact beginning, the origins of this sordid state.
i have this wonderful knack of getting things wrong.
it takes surgeons to take my foot out of my mouth.
The truman show, the scene where it rains only on him ?
lightning gets me in the balls on a clear sunny day.
it is not even seasonal.
my 13th summer was my last happy one.
chocolates, kites and my first pair of pants.no more too-tall-for
your-shorts in a class full of giggling girls.
teenage..though frankly, i dont get what the fuss is all about.
i didnt get a bike, or pocket money, or freedom, or my first kiss
as promised in the bajaj ad.
which adds to all the misery.

I Dont Know

lack of appetite, nausea, headache, claustrophobia ?
you are a writer in desperate need of some vodka.
I have no idea what to write on.and this is my second post.
the internet has made me dumb.
and i cannot live without it.
a day spent on a remote disconnected island
that is my home, and you'll see me curled up and sucking on my thumb.

I have free time now, and i have this impending feeling of constant doom.
that is what it is about growing up.you never know when you are getting a break.
I am twelve and i am lying.i could be, if the legal age was twelve.
so much more is expected of me now .
I wish i could go back in time and do badly in the first
grade.But i guess the last few years i have made up for it.
ancestors still hoping for a miracle, but im not going to make a mistake twice.
This way , they take joy in the small pleasures of life,
a C- thrills them, where an A- wasnt good enough.

I just cannot concentrate.